Chewy is Getting Restless

Michael and I are doing pretty well patiently waiting our movement up on "the list." However, last week we did actually move further down in line... since there are more people volunteering to sign up and be counted for. So for a week or two we were 39, now we are 40. Although it would be great to see the numbers only get smaller, I am glad that there are more families participating - even if they got their dossier approved before us :)

While Michael and I may be taking our line waiting in stride, our cat Chewy does seem more restless and impatient as of late. But this is likely due to an extreme case of cabin fever. He desperately wants to be outside to soak up this record breaking (short-lived) tropical weather. We are ready with our vacuums and lint brushes to capture all of the flying fur to follow.

Weekend O'Many Cultures

Michael and I celebrated a less than traditional St. Paddy's Day together this year. This weekend we drove to Minnesota in order to attend Ethiopia Day, a conference hosted by our International Adoption Agency. The conference started bright and early Saturday morning in St. Paul, which was amazingly only 10 minutes from our Hotel Schuenke (college friend's house who was kind enough to host us)!

The conference was super... we listened to a St. Cloud University's Professor Tedasse speak about his experience moving from Ethiopia to the US as a teenager. He is a professor on cultural relations and had wonderful
thoughts to share on many different subjects. Last Monday he flew back from Ethiopia, after adopting a set of siblings through CHSFS himself. Our lunch was provided by Queen of Sheeba, an Ethiopian restaurant. Although we are not quite sure what we ate, it was delicious! Which says a lot if you know how adventurous Michael and I are with trying new foods. In the afternoon we heard from a panel of families and also watched a slide show presented by 2 social workers from CHSFS. We met families from Madison, Iowa and of course Minnesota who were all in a variety of stages of the adoption process. It would be great to keep in contact with them.

Saturday evening Mike, Michael and I celebrated our "Irish" sides. After cheering on our bracket picks for NCAA basketball (no matter how hard I cheered Villanova & Georgia Tech are not making it to the Elite 8 after all) we went out for some green beverages and pizza. Irish soda bread made for some good snacking after we got home. I do not think that I will become a fan of late night MTV shows but did enjoy the company :)

60's Fun in Chi-Town

Last weekend Michael and I went to Chicago to celebrate our friend Mike's 40th birthday. It was a fantastic party... which was put together as a surprise by Mike's wife Kerbie. As you may have noticed in the pictures, it was a 60's theme and you never need to push hard with our friends to put on a costume.

We enjoyed North Beach's private party room, volleyball, basketball and of course bartender. It was great catching up and relaxing with friends. Once again we are reminded how much we value these friendships that were formed in the midst of college chaos, but have matured and developed with many different life experiences.

Thoughts on Attachment

Due to the fact that I have many years of experience working with children of all ages, as a speech-language pathologist, I thought that I had my behavior management plan already to go when we had a child of our own. Hmm... looks like I will be putting that program on hold for a little while.

Early on during the home study process, Michael and I quickly learned from our social worker that children who are adopted have an initial and primary need to form attachment with their adoptive parents. So this means learning to be pretty dependent on us, versus soothing/feeding/entertaining themself. Now this is not new information in regards to a newborn... but it also applies to older children.

Here is some information about the subject of attachment, that is was written in a blog that I frequently visit. The author of this blog, http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/, is an adoptive parent of several children who were born in Ethiopia. She wrote:

The typical American viewpoint that an independent kid is a better kid is just plain wrong for newly arrived adopted kids. New children, whether they seek it out or not, need lots of contact with their new parents to maximize bonding. They need attachment parenting.
I am going to focus on four areas: closeness, touch, feeding, and sleeping, and talk about how attachment parenting looks for different ages of children.

CLOSENESS
Staying close to a baby is easy. Get a good baby carrier, like an Ergo or a HugABub, and carry your baby on your hip or in a baby carrier at least an hour each day. For a toddler who weighs more than 25 pounds or so, a frame-style backpack may be most comfortable. You can go for walks,of course. But you can also carry your baby or toddler while you are cooking or shopping or even vacuuming.
Staying close to an older child involves lots of shared activities. Play this-little-piggie or peekaboo. Roll a ball back and forth. Play chase. Make dolls talk to each other. Look at story books together. Build block towers.LAUGH and be silly with your child. Laughter has tremendous healing power. Tickle him, dance with him, be goofy and have fun.
But you don't have to play on the floor all day long. Try bringing your child into your life doing work with you. Have him hold the dustpan while you sweep, peel carrots alongside you, or draw pictures near you while you pay bills.

TOUCH
New kids need lots of physical contact. Many kids enjoy rocking or cuddlng together on the couch for a story. Some babies at first are uncomfortable with close cuddling while rocking. You may have to rock facing outward for a few days. But gradually work towards a face-to-face intimate cuddle. And a bottle or two a day during rocking time is great, even for toddlers.
If older children seem resistant to lots of hugs at first, launch stealth hugs: come up behind the child a bunch of times a day, give a fast, gentle hug, and then back off before the child has time to even pull away. Other casual ways to make contact include shoulder bumps, giving high fives, stroking a shoulder as you walk past, or patting their hair. Speaking of hair, grooming can also be a great time for bonding.

FEEDING
Feeding time is a golden opportunity for bonding with your child. Babies should be fed in your arms, with you holding the bottle. Older babies may be used to holding their own bottles. See if you can gradually get the baby used to you first touching the bottle, then helping them hold the bottle, then taking over holding the bottle for them. This is an issue of trust. Don't make a big battle over it; just gradually get them used to you being involved in the feeding.
Don't be fast to take bottles away from toddlers and even preschoolers. A bottle at bedtime can be a wonderful chance to give a child even as old as 3 or 4 some extra nurturing and cuddling.
All food, not just bottles, can help with bonding. In the first months home, make sure mom and dad are the sole food providers, even for older children. Get the child looking to you for good things. Provide a variety of food at each meal, and try not to make the meal a big battle ground. If your child will let you, feed him small yummy morsels from your hand at mealtime. In Ethiopia, feeding each other choice bites is something Ethiopian diners do, so your child may see this as a nurturing action.

SLEEP
Bedtime is another time to avoid power struggles as much as possible. Many new children are extremely fearful at bedtime for awhile. Don't feel bad about letting your baby fall asleep in your arms, and by all means come to him and respond when he cries in the night.
Let your child sleep in your bed at naptime or bedtime if you are comfortable with it. Some parents lay a big mattress on the floor of the child's room and lie with the child to get him to sleep, sneak off to their own bed once the child is asleep, and return to lie down again with the child if he is fearful during the night. Many parents report 3-6 months of anxiety and restless sleep in the night, and then gradual improvement in sleep in the months after that. Sounds a lot like a newborn, doesn't it? Remember these kids are new to your family. DOn't be afraid to treat them younger than their actual age and meet their needs at night. Once you help them feel secure, they can move on to a more mature developmental stage. But pushing them to act braver than they feel will just prolong the fearful stage.

Waiting with Patient Hope

This past Sunday specific readings were chosen at our church to go along with the theme of the service, which was "The Day of Grace: Restoring the Earth." As I sat listening to the second reading, some phrases resonated with personal meaning. Of course, hearing the word "adoption" at the end of the reading stood out as different than most bible versus... then when I re-read the passage it seemed even more as if it were speaking to me. The verses read:

Romans 8:18-25

18 I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; 20for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labour pains until now; 23and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in* hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes* for what is seen? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Although, I may be taking these versus out of context... to me it is a reminder of how certain struggles, such as our experience with infertility, lead to growth. After you allow yourself to feel the pain, you are reminded to trust and have hope that there will be unexpected rewards. The beauty does lie in the wait at times... which is where Michael and I are now in this phase of our adoption. Okay I may be looking at the world through "adoption-colored glasses" right now; however, I still think it is pretty cool how this reading, at this particular time, so clearly illustrates our path.